I didn’t want my kids to join band or orchestra, and risk being exposed to so much sax and violins.
It only leads to treble.
How clef-er.
I’ve been told I’m pretty sharp.
These jokes always fall flat.
People just don’t measure up.
We just don’t have the staff for it.
Didn’t you get my note?
I’ve had to scale back.
It’ll just take a minuet.
There have been some minor setbacks.
This was a major development.
Pfff!
This was just a prelude to a repeat offense.
I didn’t mean to de-bass your comment.
I think your G-string is a bit tight.
They’re not really my forte.
You’re not really in tune with what’s going on, are you?
Hey — give it a rest, retard.
It built up with a crescendo, but then went mute.
Wouldn’t mind putting some spit in THAT valve!
I think your valves need some oil.
Can’t you reed?
O-boe-y!
I have the weirdest tromboner right now.
Could you pass me that tuba toothpaste?
Don’t use that tone with me.
I just jazzed my pants!
No matter what card I play, he always has a spade to trumpet.
On a high note, however…
Pitch the idea to me tomorrow.
I got caught tambourine with the security settings.
You should triangling — it’s all in the wrist.
Mmm! These cello pudding pops are amazing!
I didn’t mean to harp on you about it.
Are you calling me a lyre?
We’ve really got to guitar act together.
Why did you banjo? She was too vocal.
I like how you conduct your business.
It was an accident! I didn’t mean to harmony one!
Well that was off-key.
She’s a great girl — you should meter next time!
The package is on its way, bound fermata-gascar.
Could you repeat that?
Wouldn’t mind practicing some of THOSE fingerings..
We’ll be working in concert with other professionals.
Tour three should do it.
This ring cymbalizes so much to me.
We couldn’t hire anyone full-time, but I supposed we could always just timpani one who applies.
Blast it!
Keepin’ it trill, bro.
Do not open with a sharp instrument.
I think I’ve found a snare in your plan..
Are you sure? Yes Embouchure!
Reader contributions:
“Some of those were inappropriate for minors” -Tim
“Don’t the majors tend to be sharp staff?” -Francis
“These puns leave me treble-ing with laughter.” Muahaha302
“I, uhh, can’t seem to remember. Might you recall the coda for my padlock?” -G.Clef
“That’s just tuba-ad.” -David
“I’m afraid we have to a-cymbal this ourselves.” -Chelsea
“Just a note, some of these fall a little flat, the key to this is to make sound all natural, so only the sharp people get it. I mean, play it low key, there’s no need to jazz it up TOO much. Some people can’t keep up with the tempo of all these jokes, after all music jokes aren’t everyone’s forte. Harping on and on about it can get people frustrated. Only use the fifth of all the jokes you can come up with, at all times.” -Midge
“i knew you were treble when you walked in” -Jack
“You’re so easily led that I’m sure you’d jump off a clef if your friends did it first.” –looweez1969
” *Master Lizt of music puns” -Scarlet
“Hold me, I’m a fermata.” –Virginia Malik
“Is your leading tone C#?, because I see this resolving to the D.” -Pradich
“I didn’t want my kids to join the student-led a’cappella group, I’ve never been a fan of unaccompanied minors.” -Lindsay
“Your under a rest.” -Aurora
“If I hear any more about that bass there is going to be treble.” -Dan Hicks
“Whenever I have a good hand, he a;ways plays his trump-et card.” -Anbar Saleem
“i guit-ar rated movies! They’re so full of sax and violins!” –Josh Montgomery
“I play trombone. I can do it in seven positions.” -Mallory
“Violinists are high strung.” -Lynn Erickson
“I just got hit on the head with a mallet, I think I might have a percussion!” -Olivia
“VI-HOLA/CELLO,
This is CLEF-ER, yet S-TUBA-D. I mean, these jokes really fall FLAT. Are you SCHUBERT that you want to say these in public? You wouldn’t want to embarrBRASS yourself. These puns have so many FLUTES, you may be under arREST. Possibly for two WHOLE years, which is an imMESUREable amount of time. Keeping with the TONE, these joke just make me MU-SIC. And to end on a LOW NOTE, these jokes that CYMBOL-IZE SAX and VIOLINS are not very apropriate for MINORS, which is a MAJOR problem. These puns are FLAT out colder than the TEMPOrature. Please do NOTE make these jokes because they are not very SHARP. Just TRUM-PUT them BACH where they came FROM-ATA, and do NOTE let them out any time BA-SOON.” -Claire-net
“My boyfriend left, he said he’d be Bach soon, but I can’t Handel it any longer. I mean he kept harping on about how he needed a rest, but I thought he was just being crotchety. No matter what he says, he can’t just come and go of his own a-chord. I know it’s hard when you turn Forte and have to accept you’re no longer a minor, but he has to realise it’s a major development in his life. I’d like to C him again, it would B nice to know he’s ok. It’s been a hard interval in my life, though knowing him he’ll come waltzing back at some irregular time.” -Clarinet penguin
“Music jokes are A minor discomfort for me.” -Adam Mills
“Bach off
I’m too hot to handel
I’m a-shumann youre gone then
I have more franz than you” -Vanessa