Animated GIF: Man Ties Little Girls Hair Up, But Band Snaps and Splits Hair

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Animated GIF: Kitten Tries To Pick Fight With Dauchsund

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Animated GIF: Man Tries to Put Hand On Womans Knee, Shoos Away

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Animated GIF: Player 7 Kicks Soccer-Football Ball Backwards Between 10’s Legs

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Animated GIF: Small Man At Computer Chases Away Man With Stick

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Master List of Fish/Sea Puns “Not On Porpoise” Etc

Since there wasn’t one readily available that I could find, I decided to make a list of ocean puns, underwater puns, fish puns, and the like. If you have any like this, feel free to add them in the comments below (no registration required). Special thanks go to comic Kip Adotta, who is well-known among word nerds for his song-like speaking sets that were loaded with puns of a certain subject.

I didn’t do it on porpoise!

Don’t give me that line.

I don’t quite sea it.

He’s just fishing for compliments.

She’s angling for a raise.

I’m fin to get busy.

Well you’re a little lake to be starting now.

You just got schooled!

I can’t even tuna piano -__-

Tarn it!

Look out, he’s a card shark.

I wrote a really biting review.

Our property has been stream-lined.

You really hooked them in!

There’s an angler watching over me.

Trolling motors: engage!

I’ve been dying to trout my new printer.

Water you thinking about?

I seem to have a creek in my neck.

I’ve been delta bad hand.

He took the bait!

She really tugs on my fly.

I’d like to tackle that box.

Between the two, I’d say his speech out-bored me.

I’m glad to see you’re onboard.

She’s just a stream of emotions.

My barracuda’s in the shop, having the seals replaced. My stingray, too.

That place is a real dive.

I need to see man a-boat a dogfish.

Gil’s the name.

I’m barely keeping my head above water.

I like my burgers rare, hold the grunion.

I put a dollar in the bin for Jerry’s Squids.

We were packed like sardines!*

Tommy Dorsal is my favorite singer.

The man’s got sole!

Why? Oh, for the halibut.

I can’t tell which are fans and which are just groupers.

I’m feeling really tanked.

That’s the Sign of Aquarium.

Not tonight dear, I’ve got a haddock.

You sure are crabby tonight!

Can’t you see the anchor in my eyes?

There’s no need to get so steamed.

I planed some flounders in the garden.

Man that guy just got whaled on.

After a check of her computer, I soon found harpoon folder.

I’m eeling over with these puns!

Must’ve been a fluke.

And the archangel Mackerel said to Satan..

Ahhhhhh-baloney!

Stop being so shellfish!

He caught me with a left hook.

What a load of carp!

I’m feeling a little barfish the quality of these puns!

I was staring down the barreleye of his rifle.

Salmon Diane from Cheers aren’t a very good match.

I just down a whole pint of bitterling.

I just kicked back a shot of Burbot.

Pickerel I’ll pick her for ya!

Give that woman a kid, and she’d codlet all day.

These puns are really crappie.

Just a dab should be enough.

Would it hurt you to eelpout once in a while?

Gar blimey!

Goby with your friends! See if I care!

I heard New York did away with Big Gulpers.

These puns seem rather hoki, if you ask me.

You think? I sure am jella about how long this list of puns is!

Don’t play koi with me.

My favorite band is Lenok Skynyrd.

I’ve been longfin for some nice company.

He always gets moray than me.

The giant really wharfed the surround village.

He sure is a pretty buoy, isn’t he?

Could you be a little more Pacific?

You just stay perched right there.

*hic* I think someone piked the punch!

That was quite the snapper comeback.

The sturgeon entered the OR early.

What? Oh, I’m saury.

Scup, man?

Ouch, that looks like reel painful.

She sure gave you a shiner.

Did I say that? I’m such a slipmouth.

You should have smelt what she was cooking back there.

I even snook a taste from the big pot.

I think the waiter sprat in your soup.

Tang nabbit!

The situation was quite tenius.

Did you catch that?

Here, take a whiff.

She’s suing him for zander.

He laid zeige to the king’s empire.

What year class did you graduate?

The movie was quite triggering.

What capsize do you wear?

Get aweigh from me!

I’m surprised you know of such current affairs.

That’s a hull of a boat you have there.

Kelly Ripple just can’t seem to find the right co-host.

Want to go out? Maybe to a picture shoal?

Sounds like you’re a bit tongue-tide.

Astern attitude doesn’t befit you.

Those jeans make her aft look great!

Her beauty will surely en-transom.

She left me in her wake, to float and sputter.

I wonder what channel she works for.

I’m getting really moored with this list.

Care to go bowline later?

Galley-ho!

It a-piers you have no earthly idea.

I’d rudder vote my conscience, to be honest.

I think we need to scale back our efforts.

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Master List of Fish/Sea Puns “Not On Porpoise” Etc

I didn’t want my kids to join band or orchestra, and risk being exposed to so much sax and violins.

It only leads to treble.

How clef-er.

I’ve been told I’m pretty sharp.

These jokes always fall flat.

People just don’t measure up.

We just don’t have the staff for it.

Didn’t you get my note?

I’ve had to scale back.

It’ll just take a minuet.

There have been some minor setbacks.

This was a major development.

Pfff!

This was just a prelude to a repeat offense.

I didn’t mean to de-bass your comment.

I think your G-string is a bit tight.

They’re not really my forte.

You’re not really in tune with what’s going on, are you?

Hey — give it a rest, retard.

It built up with a crescendo, but then went mute.

Wouldn’t mind putting some spit in THAT valve!

I think your valves need some oil.

Can’t you reed?

O-boe-y!

I have the weirdest tromboner right now.

Could you pass me that tuba toothpaste?

Don’t use that tone with me.

I just jazzed my pants!

No matter what card I play, he always has a spade to trumpet.

On a high note, however…

Pitch the idea to me tomorrow.

I got caught tambourine with the security settings.

You should triangling — it’s all in the wrist.

Mmm! These cello pudding pops are amazing!

I didn’t mean to harp on you about it.

Are you calling me a lyre?

We’ve really got to guitar act together.

Why did you banjo? She was too vocal.

I like how you conduct your business.

It was an accident! I didn’t mean to harmony one!

Well that was off-key.

She’s a great girl — you should meter next time!

The package is on its way, bound fermata-gascar.

Could you repeat that?

Wouldn’t mind practicing some of THOSE fingerings..

We’ll be working in concert with other professionals.

Tour three should do it.

This ring cymbalizes so much to me.

We couldn’t hire anyone full-time, but I supposed we could always just timpani one who applies.

Blast it!

Keepin’ it trill, bro.

Do not open with a sharp instrument.

I think I’ve found a snare in your plan..

Are you sure? Yes Embouchure!

Reader submissions:
“There are some sea-riously good puns here!” -sanchos123456

“Good stuff, but I gotta get the eel outta here, so I’ll perch on my motor pike and side carp then rudd off into the sunfishset.” -Mal Wilford

“Stop it! You’re Krilling me!!!!
That was dolphinately a terrible pun.” -Meep

“Here is the best fish pun I ever did: “what? can’t find anything to say, did someone put an en-sargo?”” -Zanareth

“Water you up to?” -Tom

“Meh. I’ve sea-n better” -Mimi

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Animated GIF: Karate Kid Runs Away From Chicken

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Animated GIF: Brazillian Man Dances With Seated Dog Which Keeps Beat

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Animated GIF: Giant Bunch Birds Scatter From Atop Tall Tree

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